🎵 Believe it or not, Hugh isn't at home 🎵 🎷 Please leave a message at the beep 🎷 🎶 I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone 🎶 🎺 Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home! 🎺
[ After all of the commotion with the blood donations, the last thing Adrian needs is more excitement in his life... unfortunately, that's exactly what he's gotten. He'd woken up to the scent of blood filling the van, only to find the glove compartment steadily dripping onto the passenger seat.
When Fern asked him what he'd done, he'd been at a loss for once. He'd been too busy with other things to go seeking mysterious powers and, even if he had, he'd hardly entreat them for this.
Waiting inside the glove compartment had been... A hunk of meat. Adrian could only discern that it wasn't human, and from the wider shape of the muscle at the top, perhaps a part of some poor creature's leg. It had been severed cleanly at both ends, as if to fit the confines of the space, and was covered in short pink and purple fur.
After much deliberation, it had gone into the cooler full of ice in the van, and Adrian had put up some flyers asking for someone to test it or identify it before the meat could go sour. With time being of the essence, they'd taken the first person to make an offer that didn't include some sort of veiled threat that Fern could discern.
He and Fern had driven out to the fringes the same day, setting up a campfire not far from their van to ward off the damp chill. Adrian is sitting on a blanket by the fire, cooler full of meat beside him. Fern is prowling restlessly.
Adrian waves as a car slows to a stop nearby, already getting to his feet. To Fern, he says: ] Do you think that's the alchemist?
[ Did he ever say he was an alchemist? Unclear. But Adrian is under the impression that this guy is going to test the meat for safety with some sort of professional apparatus. He seemed very sure that he would be able to tell if it was safe to consume!
Louder: ] Hello! Are you Mr—?
[ —Oh, right. They should let him say it to verify his identity. ]
[So the easy explanation for why Wade's here -- and honestly, it really is an easy one -- is he'll basically agree to anything for money. He's killed a lot of bad people for money. He's killed a lot of good people for money, too. Or, like. They were good, to, like, other bad guys. Yeah. He's not a villain, okay, it's more like hero-adjacent.
So doing something like sticking his hand in a toilet? For a tenner, sure. That can at least buy him two eggs to rub together.
Showing up for some guy's weird-ass car modification?
It's mostly for the fun of it, actually.
So when Wade's yellow Beetle rolls up, he's already half hanging out the window to answer:] Mr. Solve-Your-Problems-At-A-Low-Price, you betcha! Oh, hey Fern! Been a while! [He gives her a wave as he clambers out of his car, plucking off pieces of the fur lining the car's interior off his Live, Laugh, Lobotomy hoodie. Thing is, it's only covering the chest part of his entire Deadpool outfit; when he's on a job, the suit goes on. It's convenient, and he saves his nicer clothes for fajita dates.
(He's been trying to collect the stray fur to make his own new hairpiece, but to be honest, that car is not shedding fast enough.)]
Ah, I see I'm not the only guy who wears a shirt when he swims around here. [He takes in the prudish rich boy with a keen eye through his mask's lenses. Never been opposite someone covering nearly as much skin as Wade does sometimes. Ooh, is he like Night of the Living Dead under there? His head whips between them. Is it too on the nose if he makes an Ebony & Ivory joke?
Yeah. Yeah, it's not that kind of crowd. He doesn't want Fern to bite him and turn him into a werewolf. (Yet.)] You guys buddies?
[ On one hand, Fern thinks that it might be best if they just toss the meat away and hope that whatever strange fate has befallen Adrian's car, it won't happen again. On the other hand, she can understand why Adrian wants it identified in some way. If it's edible, it would be an awful waste to just discard it.
Think of all the joolies they could save if this keeps up...
Fern agrees that testing it in some way would be for the best, although perhaps it would have been better to just take the meat to the clinic. They're a bit overwhelmed at the moment, though, so here they are. On the side of the road in the Fringes, just in case this somehow goes south.
Her ears perk up at the sound of an approaching car, and she glances to Adrian briefly, head tilting to one side in confusion. ] An alchemist...? [ Is that who they're expecting?
The answer is no, something she's certain of as soon as she hears that familiar voice. For lack of a better idea of what to do in that moment, she waves back with some uncertainty as she watches Wade peel out of a car he's too tall to be driving. The outfit is odd, to say the least... and why is he covered in fur? Thankfully, she's already learned an important lesson, which is that with Wade it's usually preferable to just not ask.
It's no surprise that Wade greets Adrian before Fern can even say anything, although at the question, she's quick to interject. ]
Yes, we know each other from home. [ So... sure, "buddies." ] Adrian, this is Wade. We, ah... met back at the pool. [ You know, when he set himself on fire and she pushed him into said pool. Don't worry about it.
She gestures Wade over as she asks: ] Does your healing protect you from spoiled food, as well...? [ If so, he might actually be a decent choice for this "job," even if Adrian clearly had no idea what he was getting into. ]
[ It takes Adrian a moment to process Wade's... everything. Unusual and dangerous people are something he's grown accustomed to, but even so this man seems to be in an entirely different category. Despite his comment about wearing a shirt to swim, his outfit certainly leaves little to the imagination, and his personality seems quite cheerfully extroverted.
Knowing that he's a friend of Fern's makes Adrian even more inclined to like him. (Every acquaintance that Fern greets with less than overt hostility is a 'friend' as far as Adrian is concerned.) ]
Lady Fern is my dearest friend, though I'm certain she sometimes wishes otherwise. [ Adrian adds with a wry little smile. He offers a gloved hand to Wade for a hanshake. ] It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wade. It's kind of you to help us on such short notice. What sort of healing..?
[ He isn't really built like a caster, but stranger things have happened, and the man certainly doesn't lack for charisma. ]
[He looks between them. God, the urge for Ebony & Ivory is right there. No, ho. Don't do it. He's not gonna! What canon, though? Definitely not exactly Hallmark material. Though that would definitely make a funny set-up... Fern, the stoic businesswoman who's never celebrated Leif Erikson day. Adrian, the hot, partially blind (?) baker who imbues curses into every garlic Gaelic knot he's ever... knotted.
There might be knotting. Of bread. Obviously.
Gross.] Oh, yeah, totally! [He snaps back to the current conversation.] I mean, I haven't died from raw cookie dough. Yet. And believe me, I've been trying.
[Sooo much cookie dough. It's an enviable talent.
And to Adrian:] Oh, yeah, dearest. [He's imagining them caught under the same awning in a rainstorm... Adrian lovingly taking the scarf from his neck to wrap around her own. She's never been given a gift before. Never!
Wade shakes his hand, squeezing. Like he's trying to figure out if there's bones or claws underneath. Hmm. Nope, seems nice.] Hah! Mr. Wade. I like it. Sure. [At least he's polite. Almost to a fault. Almost like he was suspiciously brought up in a British boarding school or something. Wait. Harry Potter...? Worst day for Wade not to read books.] Whatever kinda healing you can think of. Here!
[He unsheathes a knife from his calf, flipping it over so the handle faces Adrian.] You wanna try? Just stab wherever you're feeling frisky.
[ Dearest friend? Fern stares at Adrian for a few moments after he says that. Surely he isn't serious about that, or maybe he means in the context of Diadem, in which case Fern could accept it. But outside of this place, there must be others he considers closer friends to him than her, who he's still known for less than a year...?
(To say nothing of the way that he doesn't always appreciate her attempts to stop him from dooming himself.)
Thinking through that distracts her through much of Wade's introduction, which in theory shouldn't be an issue, but then the knife comes out. Fern doesn't have to imagine Adrian's horrified reaction and she snaps back to attention, moving toward the pair. ]
It's not magic, Adrian. He has a... special ability. Something he was born with. [ She remembers that much, even if she doesn't recall all the terms that Wade had thrown out. ] It means that he automatically heals from every wound he sustains. [ Including burns, but she bites back on outright saying that.
She gives Wade a look, then, though it's more assessing than impressed. ] It's... quite remarkable.
[ And it might mean he can be their test taster of sorts. ]
Cannon... mates? [ He nods hesitantly. He can only assume that Wade is using some sort of local slang for traveling companions who fight together.
He doesn't really have time to clarify, because then there's talk of raw cookie dough and special abilities, and that is — quite a firm handshake. He supposes it makes sense, considering that the rest of Wade also appears to be... quite firm. The sweater is ordinary enough, even modest, but no one has explained the suit. Is anyone going to explain the suit? How are the eyes moving like that?
Adrian rubs his hand a bit when he gets it back. These are delicate spellcaster hands that have never known a day of labor. ]
I... see. [ He takes a full step back from the proffered dagger, and holds up a hand in a placating gesture. He's grateful for Fern's explanation, which does clear things up to a degree. ] I really don't think that's necessary, Mr. Wade. Lady Fern's confirmation is more than adequate... and anyway, I'm certain that it's a bit of a pain to repair your suit, regardless of your abilities.
[ Aside from his bafflement with Wade's... everything... the healing situation doesn't surprise him at all. He's seen it before, with Logan, and Livio as well. ]
Are you a mutant, then? Do you also have knives inside of your hands?
[ Come to think of it, he doesn't remember if he mentioned that bit of information to Fern, although he had meant to. ]
How come no one ever takes me up on that? [He murmurs to himself, spinning the knife around once in his hand before sheathing it again. Seriously, he'd go ham if it was him.]
Anyway, like Ferny says. Mostly. She's close enough.
[No one's gonna explain the suit. And unless Fern's gonna comment about how ugly he is right in front of his salad, it might never be addressed formally.] Oh. Huh. Yeah, I guess that's a good point. [About the suit. Which does have several holes in it already covered in duct tape, along with a large amount of what appears to be claw marks. Really big claw marks.
The dreamer in him just can't get himself to repair them.]
Knives in my -- no! That's only Logan. Oh my god. He seriously snikts those things out for anyone these days. I carry my knives like a normal person! [He jerks a thumb over his shoulder, where his swords are crossed over his back.] And not-knives. Which I brought in case I gotta butcher your mystery meat with 'em. [No, he's not above it.] So, where's it coming out of, anyway?
[ Ferny? Her ears twitch back at that, wondering if she should correct Wade now before he makes a habit of it, but then Adrian asks about mutants (right, that was the word that Wade had used before) and then knives in hands are mentioned, immediately followed by a familiar name. ]
Logan has what...?
[ Fern's confused gaze swivels back and forth between them. She's met Logan all of twice, and the second conversation hadn't been a pleasant one for either of them. When he'd told her something more comes out, that definitely isn't what she'd pictured. Nor does she actually think that's what Logan meant, but it does seem like an important detail that he maybe should have been mentioned.
Whether or not that's explained to her, she does take note of just how many blades Wade seems to have on his person. Three, at least. Maybe more, though it would be hard to hide them beneath the suit that no one is explaining. If there's one thing about this man that she approves of, it's that.
At Wade's question, she turns back toward Adrian's van. The meat itself is waiting in a cooler now, but the sight of it oozing out of the glove compartment is still imprinted on her mind's eye. ]
[ Ferny? Adrian almost wonders if they're close, but he sees the way Fern's ears twitch and decides no, not that close. She hasn't taken the knife offer, however, so it must be a tolerable kind of annoyance. ]
He didn't just— I asked Mr. Logan about it, so he explained. [ An understatement that is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. He turns to Fern to further explain: ] He has knives that come out from in between his knuckles. Like claws of some sort? I don't believe that he shares them with most people.
[ In other words, he'll rely on Fern's discretion, but he knows that she isn't the sort to spread that information around.
Despite his outfit, Wade does in fact carry nearly as many weapons as Fern does, just much more openly. Perhaps it's an intimidation thing, Adrian thinks... though, at the moment, there's very little effort on Wade's part to be intimidating. He's a bit eccentric, certainly. Bold. But very friendly.
He gestures for Wade to come closer and kneels beside the cooler, opening it up so that he can unwrap their purple mystery meat. It is actually very handy that he has some extra knives, since they'll likely have to butcher it before it can be cooked. ] Lady Fern noticed the blood oozing out of the glove compartment this morning. It's as if it just appeared overnight. I suspect something might have happened to the van while we were passing through a diffusion zone and... well, now we have this.
[ Pained, Adrian adds: ] It's never a nice bouquet or something, is it?
[Okay, so Logan snikts them for some people. And apparentlyh e has a preference for polite socialites over dog people. He's keeping that in his back pocket of Logan knowledge, for later.
Feels like Logan should've really allied with the dog people over this.]
They're claws. Or kebob holders, if he's in the right mood.
[He says, definitively. Look, it just feels like they should be specific. He looks between them, then settles on Adrian, his lenses squinting a little at him, as if actually considering him just a touch behind the rich boy persona.] He must like you if you're still alive.
[Or he's got that innocent, sweet little boy thing going on. The particular brand of "saw claws but didn't die" has yet to be completely decided by Wade.
In time.
He follows the two and squats next to Adrian to peer inside. What he was expecting was a Frankensteinian throbbing, bloodied heart, sitting in a box of its own gore, beating by itself. Cool shit.
This kind of just looks like... hmm. Lunch meat.]
I mean, you could go for a nice banquet instead. [He pokes it with a gloved finger. It wobbles, but only a little.] Except this has an embarrassing lack of marbling.
[Seriously, couldn't his car be spitting out wagyu?] Yeah, I'm suspectin' the same. My car's furry for the same reason.
[He does not elaborate.] So not for any reason, but neither of you are sporting emetophobia, right?
[He's gonna pluck a knife from near his boot and poke it again, with the tip, and with only minimum wiggle, he starts cutting a piece off.] Just checking.
He doesn't share them with most people, but he shared them with you.
[ Claws, inserted under the skin? Retractable, in some way? Fern would have never known, which means that it must not be noticeable unless he takes them out. That's what makes him a mutant, then? She can't say she fully understands, but it does mean he's a bit more like her than she could have guessed.
While there's an unspoken question for Adrian (why?), Fern isn't going to push the issue right now. They have some meat to take a look at, after all. At Adrian's comment, Fern glances over and gives him a one-armed shrug. ]
I heard some rumors about a flower shop with plants that came to life and attacked, so be careful what you wish for.
[ Maybe they're actually better off with the van-generated meat. She crouches next to Wade to look at it again, but the meat hasn't warped in any way since they removed it from the car. It really doesn't look unappetizing to her, if they were to cook it up.
Except then Wade slices off a piece and asks them about... some phobia? Fern doesn't recognize the word, and she tilts her head before reaching out to lightly grab at his arm to hopefully make him pause for a moment. ]
You're not going to just eat it raw, are you? [ Or do mutants like raw meat? Somehow, Fern doubts this and assumes this is just Wade being Wade. ]
He said something about giving me a century to get on his good side. [ Adrian says, very seriously, though there's a glimmer of good humor in his gaze when he speaks to Wade. ] I believe that he needs the time to admit to himself that we are friends. Please do be sensitive if you bring it up to him.
[ He wouldn't usually be so forward, but he gets the impression that Wade is already good friends with Logan. Perhaps he has some sort of affinity with that type of person, considering that he's made friends with Fern so quickly as well.
As for Fern's question... Adrian glances at her and sighs. ] Really, both of you... He didn't hurt me with them, if that's what you're implying. I healed a friend of his, and he indulged my questions in return. That's all it was.
[ It's not the whole truth, but it's fairly close to it, and there are some things that he doesn't feel right about divulging.
Thankfully, they move on to the topic of meat after that. Adrian watches Wade slice off a chunk of purple something. ]
As Fern suggested, I would most definitely recommend cooking it first... Even if you can heal through it, I can't imagine that it's pleasant.
Yeah, that's called Little Shop of Horrors. Not very inventive if you ask me. [He says in response to Fern. Man, wait. He missed Little Shop of Horrors? Well, seems like she'd mention if the cannibalizing plants were singing. Then he'd be real upset.
He throws a look over his shoulder at Adrian. Why's he got the feeling this weirdo's digging into him, too?] I've never been insensitive in my life.
[He meant "sensitive". Damn, too late to fix it now.]
If you he wanted to hurt you with 'em, he would've. [Wade cuts off another piece and wobbles both in his palm. They leave a somewhat unappetizing droplet of meat juice behind. It's dark like beef, but with this subtle sheen of color he can't rsay goes with beef. Almost like when pork goes prismatic with age.]
Probably not. [He pops the first cube into his mouth, chewing.] Except you've clearly never been to Ben & Jerry's while being lactose intolerant. [Speaking of unpleasant --] Great, I was just checking if I needed to put up a content warning.
[Note the blank subject line.]
Like I thought, it's kinda beefy. But also kinda like. Moosey. [Not to sound like a walking stereotype --] Well, how you wanna cook it? Microwave? Boiling? Wrapped up in puff pastry? Open fire like we're all tight camping buddies?
[Wade suddenly chokes and falls to the ground, motionless.]
[ Little Shop of Horrors? Fern shoots Wade a blank stare at that, one he's seen at least a few times by now, but she brushes it off.
While she gets the sense that Adrian isn't telling her the whole story about Logan, she can assume they got caught up in some sort of fight that led to a friend needing to be healed, the claws came out as a result, and Adrian got to ask some questions when all was said and done. Fair enough. There's plenty that comes to the fore in the midst of a battle. ]
No, that's not what I was implying. [ She says the words mainly under her breath, letting the subject move on to the real question at hand: the mystery meat.
Yet despite both Fern and Adrian issuing warnings, Wade completely ignores them and just pops the piece of meat into his mouth. Fern's grip on his wrist tightens for a moment, but the damage is done so she lets go with a mild scoff. ] Over a fire was the—
[ Idea, she might have said, but then Wade collapses. ]
Not again...! [ She immediately falls to a crouch next to him, but her gaze skates up to Adrian. He's the medic here, after all, so this is mainly on him, though she's close at hand if he needs her to grab anything. ]
[ Adrian and Fern sport nearly identical expressions for once. He also has no idea what a Little Shop of Horrors is.
He nods at Wade's assertion, and shoots Fern a mildly apologetic look before he lets the subject of Logan drop as well. After seeing how Cassian had reacted to the man — very understandably, considering the context — he still feels as if he needs to make it clear that Logan has never so much as verbally threatened him. His sometimes intimidating demeanor doesn't mean that he's some sort of brute.
He should have guessed, really, that these are the last people who need to be told that.
He turns back to the subject at hand just in time to watch Wade toss a cube of meat directly into his mouth. Adrian puts a hand over his own mouth, looking a bit pained. He doesn't even like cooked meat particularly, let alone raw.
Fern starts to answer him and then— ] Mr. Wade..!
[ Adrian is on his knees beside Wade in a second, halo lit and hovering behind his head, primed to heal. He drops a gloved hand to Wade's chest. (Medicine check: 25) Adrian frowns, sits back on his heels, and shakes his head at Fern. ] He's perfectly fine. What do you mean, again? Has this happened before?
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action - cw meat compartment
When Fern asked him what he'd done, he'd been at a loss for once. He'd been too busy with other things to go seeking mysterious powers and, even if he had, he'd hardly entreat them for this.
Waiting inside the glove compartment had been... A hunk of meat. Adrian could only discern that it wasn't human, and from the wider shape of the muscle at the top, perhaps a part of some poor creature's leg. It had been severed cleanly at both ends, as if to fit the confines of the space, and was covered in short pink and purple fur.
After much deliberation, it had gone into the cooler full of ice in the van, and Adrian had put up some flyers asking for someone to test it or identify it before the meat could go sour. With time being of the essence, they'd taken the first person to make an offer that didn't include some sort of veiled threat that Fern could discern.
He and Fern had driven out to the fringes the same day, setting up a campfire not far from their van to ward off the damp chill. Adrian is sitting on a blanket by the fire, cooler full of meat beside him. Fern is prowling restlessly.
Adrian waves as a car slows to a stop nearby, already getting to his feet. To Fern, he says: ] Do you think that's the alchemist?
[ Did he ever say he was an alchemist? Unclear. But Adrian is under the impression that this guy is going to test the meat for safety with some sort of professional apparatus. He seemed very sure that he would be able to tell if it was safe to consume!
Louder: ] Hello! Are you Mr—?
[ —Oh, right. They should let him say it to verify his identity. ]
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So doing something like sticking his hand in a toilet? For a tenner, sure. That can at least buy him two eggs to rub together.
Showing up for some guy's weird-ass car modification?
It's mostly for the fun of it, actually.
So when Wade's yellow Beetle rolls up, he's already half hanging out the window to answer:] Mr. Solve-Your-Problems-At-A-Low-Price, you betcha! Oh, hey Fern! Been a while! [He gives her a wave as he clambers out of his car, plucking off pieces of the fur lining the car's interior off his Live, Laugh, Lobotomy hoodie. Thing is, it's only covering the chest part of his entire Deadpool outfit; when he's on a job, the suit goes on. It's convenient, and he saves his nicer clothes for fajita dates.
(He's been trying to collect the stray fur to make his own new hairpiece, but to be honest, that car is not shedding fast enough.)]
Ah, I see I'm not the only guy who wears a shirt when he swims around here. [He takes in the prudish rich boy with a keen eye through his mask's lenses. Never been opposite someone covering nearly as much skin as Wade does sometimes. Ooh, is he like Night of the Living Dead under there? His head whips between them. Is it too on the nose if he makes an Ebony & Ivory joke?
Yeah. Yeah, it's not that kind of crowd. He doesn't want Fern to bite him and turn him into a werewolf. (Yet.)] You guys buddies?
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Think of all the joolies they could save if this keeps up...
Fern agrees that testing it in some way would be for the best, although perhaps it would have been better to just take the meat to the clinic. They're a bit overwhelmed at the moment, though, so here they are. On the side of the road in the Fringes, just in case this somehow goes south.
Her ears perk up at the sound of an approaching car, and she glances to Adrian briefly, head tilting to one side in confusion. ] An alchemist...? [ Is that who they're expecting?
The answer is no, something she's certain of as soon as she hears that familiar voice. For lack of a better idea of what to do in that moment, she waves back with some uncertainty as she watches Wade peel out of a car he's too tall to be driving. The outfit is odd, to say the least... and why is he covered in fur? Thankfully, she's already learned an important lesson, which is that with Wade it's usually preferable to just not ask.
It's no surprise that Wade greets Adrian before Fern can even say anything, although at the question, she's quick to interject. ]
Yes, we know each other from home. [ So... sure, "buddies." ] Adrian, this is Wade. We, ah... met back at the pool. [ You know, when he set himself on fire and she pushed him into said pool. Don't worry about it.
She gestures Wade over as she asks: ] Does your healing protect you from spoiled food, as well...? [ If so, he might actually be a decent choice for this "job," even if Adrian clearly had no idea what he was getting into. ]
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Knowing that he's a friend of Fern's makes Adrian even more inclined to like him. (Every acquaintance that Fern greets with less than overt hostility is a 'friend' as far as Adrian is concerned.) ]
Lady Fern is my dearest friend, though I'm certain she sometimes wishes otherwise. [ Adrian adds with a wry little smile. He offers a gloved hand to Wade for a hanshake. ] It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wade. It's kind of you to help us on such short notice. What sort of healing..?
[ He isn't really built like a caster, but stranger things have happened, and the man certainly doesn't lack for charisma. ]
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[He looks between them. God, the urge for Ebony & Ivory is right there. No, ho. Don't do it. He's not gonna! What canon, though? Definitely not exactly Hallmark material. Though that would definitely make a funny set-up... Fern, the stoic businesswoman who's never celebrated Leif Erikson day. Adrian, the hot, partially blind (?) baker who imbues curses into every garlic Gaelic knot he's ever... knotted.
There might be knotting. Of bread. Obviously.
Gross.] Oh, yeah, totally! [He snaps back to the current conversation.] I mean, I haven't died from raw cookie dough. Yet. And believe me, I've been trying.
[Sooo much cookie dough. It's an enviable talent.
And to Adrian:] Oh, yeah, dearest. [He's imagining them caught under the same awning in a rainstorm... Adrian lovingly taking the scarf from his neck to wrap around her own. She's never been given a gift before. Never!
Wade shakes his hand, squeezing. Like he's trying to figure out if there's bones or claws underneath. Hmm. Nope, seems nice.] Hah! Mr. Wade. I like it. Sure. [At least he's polite. Almost to a fault. Almost like he was suspiciously brought up in a British boarding school or something. Wait. Harry Potter...? Worst day for Wade not to read books.] Whatever kinda healing you can think of. Here!
[He unsheathes a knife from his calf, flipping it over so the handle faces Adrian.] You wanna try? Just stab wherever you're feeling frisky.
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(To say nothing of the way that he doesn't always appreciate her attempts to stop him from dooming himself.)
Thinking through that distracts her through much of Wade's introduction, which in theory shouldn't be an issue, but then the knife comes out. Fern doesn't have to imagine Adrian's horrified reaction and she snaps back to attention, moving toward the pair. ]
It's not magic, Adrian. He has a... special ability. Something he was born with. [ She remembers that much, even if she doesn't recall all the terms that Wade had thrown out. ] It means that he automatically heals from every wound he sustains. [ Including burns, but she bites back on outright saying that.
She gives Wade a look, then, though it's more assessing than impressed. ] It's... quite remarkable.
[ And it might mean he can be their test taster of sorts. ]
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He doesn't really have time to clarify, because then there's talk of raw cookie dough and special abilities, and that is — quite a firm handshake. He supposes it makes sense, considering that the rest of Wade also appears to be... quite firm. The sweater is ordinary enough, even modest, but no one has explained the suit. Is anyone going to explain the suit? How are the eyes moving like that?
Adrian rubs his hand a bit when he gets it back. These are delicate spellcaster hands that have never known a day of labor. ]
I... see. [ He takes a full step back from the proffered dagger, and holds up a hand in a placating gesture. He's grateful for Fern's explanation, which does clear things up to a degree. ] I really don't think that's necessary, Mr. Wade. Lady Fern's confirmation is more than adequate... and anyway, I'm certain that it's a bit of a pain to repair your suit, regardless of your abilities.
[ Aside from his bafflement with Wade's... everything... the healing situation doesn't surprise him at all. He's seen it before, with Logan, and Livio as well. ]
Are you a mutant, then? Do you also have knives inside of your hands?
[ Come to think of it, he doesn't remember if he mentioned that bit of information to Fern, although he had meant to. ]
no subject
Anyway, like Ferny says. Mostly. She's close enough.
[No one's gonna explain the suit. And unless Fern's gonna comment about how ugly he is right in front of his salad, it might never be addressed formally.] Oh. Huh. Yeah, I guess that's a good point. [About the suit. Which does have several holes in it already covered in duct tape, along with a large amount of what appears to be claw marks. Really big claw marks.
The dreamer in him just can't get himself to repair them.]
Knives in my -- no! That's only Logan. Oh my god. He seriously snikts those things out for anyone these days. I carry my knives like a normal person! [He jerks a thumb over his shoulder, where his swords are crossed over his back.] And not-knives. Which I brought in case I gotta butcher your mystery meat with 'em. [No, he's not above it.] So, where's it coming out of, anyway?
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Logan has what...?
[ Fern's confused gaze swivels back and forth between them. She's met Logan all of twice, and the second conversation hadn't been a pleasant one for either of them. When he'd told her something more comes out, that definitely isn't what she'd pictured. Nor does she actually think that's what Logan meant, but it does seem like an important detail that he maybe should have been mentioned.
Whether or not that's explained to her, she does take note of just how many blades Wade seems to have on his person. Three, at least. Maybe more, though it would be hard to hide them beneath the suit that no one is explaining. If there's one thing about this man that she approves of, it's that.
At Wade's question, she turns back toward Adrian's van. The meat itself is waiting in a cooler now, but the sight of it oozing out of the glove compartment is still imprinted on her mind's eye. ]
Well...
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He didn't just— I asked Mr. Logan about it, so he explained. [ An understatement that is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. He turns to Fern to further explain: ] He has knives that come out from in between his knuckles. Like claws of some sort? I don't believe that he shares them with most people.
[ In other words, he'll rely on Fern's discretion, but he knows that she isn't the sort to spread that information around.
Despite his outfit, Wade does in fact carry nearly as many weapons as Fern does, just much more openly. Perhaps it's an intimidation thing, Adrian thinks... though, at the moment, there's very little effort on Wade's part to be intimidating. He's a bit eccentric, certainly. Bold. But very friendly.
He gestures for Wade to come closer and kneels beside the cooler, opening it up so that he can unwrap their purple mystery meat. It is actually very handy that he has some extra knives, since they'll likely have to butcher it before it can be cooked. ] Lady Fern noticed the blood oozing out of the glove compartment this morning. It's as if it just appeared overnight. I suspect something might have happened to the van while we were passing through a diffusion zone and... well, now we have this.
[ Pained, Adrian adds: ] It's never a nice bouquet or something, is it?
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Feels like Logan should've really allied with the dog people over this.]
They're claws. Or kebob holders, if he's in the right mood.
[He says, definitively. Look, it just feels like they should be specific. He looks between them, then settles on Adrian, his lenses squinting a little at him, as if actually considering him just a touch behind the rich boy persona.] He must like you if you're still alive.
[Or he's got that innocent, sweet little boy thing going on. The particular brand of "saw claws but didn't die" has yet to be completely decided by Wade.
In time.
He follows the two and squats next to Adrian to peer inside. What he was expecting was a Frankensteinian throbbing, bloodied heart, sitting in a box of its own gore, beating by itself. Cool shit.
This kind of just looks like... hmm. Lunch meat.]
I mean, you could go for a nice banquet instead. [He pokes it with a gloved finger. It wobbles, but only a little.] Except this has an embarrassing lack of marbling.
[Seriously, couldn't his car be spitting out wagyu?] Yeah, I'm suspectin' the same. My car's furry for the same reason.
[He does not elaborate.] So not for any reason, but neither of you are sporting emetophobia, right?
[He's gonna pluck a knife from near his boot and poke it again, with the tip, and with only minimum wiggle, he starts cutting a piece off.] Just checking.
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[ Claws, inserted under the skin? Retractable, in some way? Fern would have never known, which means that it must not be noticeable unless he takes them out. That's what makes him a mutant, then? She can't say she fully understands, but it does mean he's a bit more like her than she could have guessed.
While there's an unspoken question for Adrian (why?), Fern isn't going to push the issue right now. They have some meat to take a look at, after all. At Adrian's comment, Fern glances over and gives him a one-armed shrug. ]
I heard some rumors about a flower shop with plants that came to life and attacked, so be careful what you wish for.
[ Maybe they're actually better off with the van-generated meat. She crouches next to Wade to look at it again, but the meat hasn't warped in any way since they removed it from the car. It really doesn't look unappetizing to her, if they were to cook it up.
Except then Wade slices off a piece and asks them about... some phobia? Fern doesn't recognize the word, and she tilts her head before reaching out to lightly grab at his arm to hopefully make him pause for a moment. ]
You're not going to just eat it raw, are you? [ Or do mutants like raw meat? Somehow, Fern doubts this and assumes this is just Wade being Wade. ]
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[ He wouldn't usually be so forward, but he gets the impression that Wade is already good friends with Logan. Perhaps he has some sort of affinity with that type of person, considering that he's made friends with Fern so quickly as well.
As for Fern's question... Adrian glances at her and sighs. ] Really, both of you... He didn't hurt me with them, if that's what you're implying. I healed a friend of his, and he indulged my questions in return. That's all it was.
[ It's not the whole truth, but it's fairly close to it, and there are some things that he doesn't feel right about divulging.
Thankfully, they move on to the topic of meat after that. Adrian watches Wade slice off a chunk of purple something. ]
As Fern suggested, I would most definitely recommend cooking it first... Even if you can heal through it, I can't imagine that it's pleasant.
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He throws a look over his shoulder at Adrian. Why's he got the feeling this weirdo's digging into him, too?] I've never been insensitive in my life.
[He meant "sensitive". Damn, too late to fix it now.]
If you he wanted to hurt you with 'em, he would've. [Wade cuts off another piece and wobbles both in his palm. They leave a somewhat unappetizing droplet of meat juice behind. It's dark like beef, but with this subtle sheen of color he can't rsay goes with beef. Almost like when pork goes prismatic with age.]
Probably not. [He pops the first cube into his mouth, chewing.] Except you've clearly never been to Ben & Jerry's while being lactose intolerant. [Speaking of unpleasant --] Great, I was just checking if I needed to put up a content warning.
[Note the blank subject line.]
Like I thought, it's kinda beefy. But also kinda like. Moosey. [Not to sound like a walking stereotype --] Well, how you wanna cook it? Microwave? Boiling? Wrapped up in puff pastry? Open fire like we're all tight camping buddies?
[Wade suddenly chokes and falls to the ground, motionless.]
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While she gets the sense that Adrian isn't telling her the whole story about Logan, she can assume they got caught up in some sort of fight that led to a friend needing to be healed, the claws came out as a result, and Adrian got to ask some questions when all was said and done. Fair enough. There's plenty that comes to the fore in the midst of a battle. ]
No, that's not what I was implying. [ She says the words mainly under her breath, letting the subject move on to the real question at hand: the mystery meat.
Yet despite both Fern and Adrian issuing warnings, Wade completely ignores them and just pops the piece of meat into his mouth. Fern's grip on his wrist tightens for a moment, but the damage is done so she lets go with a mild scoff. ] Over a fire was the—
[ Idea, she might have said, but then Wade collapses. ]
Not again...! [ She immediately falls to a crouch next to him, but her gaze skates up to Adrian. He's the medic here, after all, so this is mainly on him, though she's close at hand if he needs her to grab anything. ]
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He nods at Wade's assertion, and shoots Fern a mildly apologetic look before he lets the subject of Logan drop as well. After seeing how Cassian had reacted to the man — very understandably, considering the context — he still feels as if he needs to make it clear that Logan has never so much as verbally threatened him. His sometimes intimidating demeanor doesn't mean that he's some sort of brute.
He should have guessed, really, that these are the last people who need to be told that.
He turns back to the subject at hand just in time to watch Wade toss a cube of meat directly into his mouth. Adrian puts a hand over his own mouth, looking a bit pained. He doesn't even like cooked meat particularly, let alone raw.
Fern starts to answer him and then— ] Mr. Wade..!
[ Adrian is on his knees beside Wade in a second, halo lit and hovering behind his head, primed to heal. He drops a gloved hand to Wade's chest. (Medicine check: 25) Adrian frowns, sits back on his heels, and shakes his head at Fern. ] He's perfectly fine. What do you mean, again? Has this happened before?