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[primepool]

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[In a perfect imitation (?) of Charles Xavier's voice, a simple message plays when Wade doesn't answer immediately:

"I try to pick peace over violence whenever possible, but sometimes that simply isn't the option."

[The voice abruptly changes to Wade's:]

So be sure to leave a message I can respond to with peace or violence! Either way, we'll have fun. Promise. ♥

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i had to ok

[primepool]

Ohhh my gosh, my first Xavier check-in! You're precious. I appreciate the concern, chops, but I'm doin' just fine.

Whoa, whoa, I'm "my people" now? I'm moving on up in the world! I think one of my buddies turned into a mutant, but guess you have experience with the whole wave thing --

Wait, young, hot Xavier. Right, not yet! Don't wanna spoil anything. Anyway, he's fine. Definitely not melting into a bottle of senator juice. For one thing, I don't think he's ever been a senator. Ooh. Maybe. Probably? I gotta ask.

[thetruefocus]

Did my inviting you to our private events not indicate to you that you're one of my people? Alas, I haven't been making it obvious enough, but you know now.

[ He gets such a kick out of Wade, even if boy is he talking a whole lot at him in his mind.]

It's fine, you won't 'spoil' me, my older self has already done that to me thoroughly.

I am glad you are well. Scott and Logan are going to the community center if you wanted to check in with people at some point.

[primepool]

Sometimes a girl just wants to hear she's wanted. It really does it for me.

Right, the future-past thing. Oh, shit. Comm center. Good idea. I got some money in there I gotta save.

Hey, I know you can take care of yourself, Chuck, but give me a call if you do get in a hair-y situation. [He had to.] I'll be your Huckleberry. Plus, it gets me free hero karma. I got, like, 15 extra guns I can lend out. Maybe 3 of them work. But I expect them to come back fully loaded.

[thetruefocus]

I will engrave an invitation to 'my people' just for you when this is over.

If I need help, I'll let you know. Look out for the others, if you can. Try not to get into too much trouble.

[primepool]

You, my bald friend, are a peach.

"Don't get into trouble"? What, that an order? C'mon, buds don't give buds orders. Anyway, no can do! I gotta get in tons of trouble. This is like 28 Days Later! Minus the zombies. And Cillian Murphy. Anyway, I've got a grenade that's just been itchin' to be blown.

[thetruefocus]

I have a full head of hair, Wade!

Is it too much to ask for you to use your impressive skills to be a protector of the innocent?

[primepool]

Not for long.

Who says I'm not? I'm only permanently disfiguring the bad guys! Also, yes, during the fall of civilization it's too much to ask for free. I don't work pro bono. Only per boner.

[thetruefocus]

I will pay you to help people.

[primepool]

[Somewhere, Wade definitely almost trips on someone's body.]

Wait, what? Seriously?

[thetruefocus]

Keep in mind I am not made of money here, so I can't afford your rates from home, but I will do my best.

[primepool]

[Ex-mercenary brain still runs absolutely like mercenary brain, and yeah, Charles isn't a trust fund baby anymore, but money is money. It's tempting. Ooh, it's real tempting, because he can trust Chuck will actually pay him. He'd feel way too guilty not to.

But. Speaking of guilt. Wade feels distinctly like taking money from Charles to protect people is the moral equivalent of kicking a puppy to save it from eating an innocent piece of grass.

It feels reaaaal icky. Why? He doesn't want to examine it too much. It's one thing to pay him for shovelling the driveway. But this --]

You drive a hard bargain, Chuck. [He cannot believe he's fucking doing this. It's free money! It's free real estate!] Listen. Put in a good word for me with Magneto (emphasize how cool I am) and buy me shawarma after this and I'll call it even.

[thetruefocus]

I will tell Erik that you are the coolest person I know, Wade, and you can have any meal you want on me. I appreciate it, I know I'm asking a lot.

[ Charles had a feeling that Wade's better angels would call out to him if given the chance, so he'll just be quietly smug about it, sorry.]

[primepool]

Helllll yeah.

Yeah, you are. Don't worry, you'll be paying my weight in cheeseburger sliders soon enough.

[thetruefocus]

I'll even have him record a message for you, if you like.

[ It would be hilarious.]

Be safe, Wade. I worry even about you indestructible people.

[primepool]

You better! That's my tip.

That's 'cause you're stupid as hell, Chuck. But it's why you're so warm and cuddly, too.

[thetruefocus]

I think a cuddle is out of the question, my boyfriend would find a way to truly kill you.

[primepool]

Whoa, whoa, I'm a one-mutant man. Okay, I'm not. I'm really not. But this could be totally platonic cuddling. Head-cuddles.

Unless...?

You know, the option's there. If you're ever curious about what cuddling a giant, pulsating tumour feels like.

[He can't hide it, even if he tries, which he doesn't. This is just full brainblasting at this point. Like he's gonna turn down a guy with hair.] Though it'd be kinda funny if he tried. I'll keep that one in my back pocket when we need a rowdy personal plot down the line, Chuck.

[thetruefocus]

[ Charles laughs.]

I'm deeply flattered, truly, but very monogamous. And I'm a little too English for platonic cuddling. I will give you a nice pat on the back.

[primepool]

Holy wait, wait a minute. You guys are outta the mutant closet now? Hey, good for you, Chuck. Beating that stigma. Braver than the Marines.

Well, not the monogamous part, that's super boring. But if every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs.

You're too English for hotdogs too, huh? Damn.

[thetruefocus]

Yes, we are out now, and thank you, Wade. I am pleased about it myself.

No, I am not too English for hotdogs, just idle cuddling. Figure out where you would like me to buy you dinner when this is over.

[primepool]

You should be. Fans have only been waiting since 1963!

Believe me, babe, I already got a place in mind. And I'll even let you bring your BFF for post-burger cuddles. Even if I'll be insanely jealous.

[thetruefocus]

I've been waiting since the moment I met him, but you know, we had reasons at the time it was impossible.

This is dinner for us! I'm not inviting anyone else. Unless you'd like Logan to come be grumpy and refuse to talk.

[primepool]

Ooooh. You really know what to say to a girl to make her feel special, Professor. I'll keep that in mind.